7 Parenting Principles that will Guarantee Your Success

You want to understand the principles of parenting, right? But really you just want to be a great parent. You want your child to be honest, polite, kind, resilient, resourceful and be a contributing member of society. However, this is not as easy as it seems or even as it was ten years ago.

Well, really it was never easy but today kids are bombarded with thousands of negative messages. What was once admired is not necessarily looked up to. What was once looked down upon is sometimes extolled. It’s confusing for kids and it’s confusing for us as parents.

I read many articles every day that advocate a new way of parenting or a new method to achieve success. One method will advocate a particular method of parenting while another method will advocate another. How confusing!

Parents today have such a hard challenge before them. With our busy lives, the thousands of responsibilities, work and chauffeuring our children, it’s hard to stay afloat. On top of it all, we try to raise good moral human beings. But with so many conflicting ideas and methods, many parents don’t know where to start!

In my work in parenting over the years, I have found that there are several main parenting principles, based on timeless principles that light the way amongst the thousands of new ideas and methods. Of course, there are always new things that we can learn and many ways to implement them. However, the timeless principles don’t change and can be the lifeline that keeps us afloat!

So what are those principles you are asking? Well read on and let me know if they are helpful to you.

Here are the Seven Principles:

Children Learn from the Behavior they See

It’s really that simple. If you want your children to behave in a certain way, model that behavior for them. Make sure that the behavior extends to anyone that you interact with. Sound simple? It’s not. It means really thinking about what’s important and maintaining those traits at all times. This ensures that your behavior will always model the way you want your kids to behave.

Of course, we all mess up sometimes and are not always the paradigm of greatness. But that is okay because our kids will see who we really are on a daily basis.

I’m sure that you’ve heard people say, “do as I say, not as I do” Well it might work with some people, but it sure doesn’t work with children. Children are like sponges and they absorb everything that they see. We as parents are their primary models and we are the most important people in our child’s life.

From us, our children learn how to deal with frustration and disappointment with other people and how to confront the many challenges that we face. It’s not something that we can tell our kids. They learn from our actions rather than our words.

Children Learn to Respect others from Our Behavior Towards Them and Our Spouse

As young children, the role models that they encounter and that make the deepest impressions are the daily interactions at home. Even school children exposed to many other children and role models during the day, learn to model the consistent interactions that they see at home.

How you respond to your spouse, how your spouse respects you – determine how your child will see his/her role in the future as a friend, a classmate, a colleague and a spouse.

Children also develop their sense of self from the way their parents speak to them. Are they respectful to their siblings and to their parents? Do their parents speak in a respectful tone? Things may be busy and sometimes hectic, but there is either a basic respect for the dignity of other human beings in the household or there is not.

Again, we all slip up once in a while and lose it, but we are talking about what your child sees and experiences 85% of the time

Clear Expectations and Boundaries

Many parents make the mistake of thinking that having clear expectations and boundaries means having a punitive household. This could not be further from the truth! Having clear expectations simply means that kids know what is expected of them and they know that certain things are not appropriate or tolerated.

This does not mean punishments! It simply means that children are instructed in proper behavior and they know what is right from wrong. They know what is tolerated and what is not appropriate.

If a child breaks a rule it doesn’t mean that s/he will receive a physical punishment. It does mean that they don’t ignore the behavior. Either a parent speaks to the child, and has the child rectify what he has done, or perhaps in repeated offenses, the child receives a consequence.

In this way, the child learns that his actions affect other people and that he has to think about the consequences of everything that he does. The point is not to harm the child but rather to teach him that he can not only think of himself but must be considerate of others around him.

Having this structure prepares him to be a thoughtful member of society and later in his/her own home, a person who is able to get along with others. Children who don’t receive this instruction as a child, grow up selfish and self-involved and are not able to consider the needs of others.

Contribution – Chores and Responsibilities

Children learn to contribute to the society around them through the responsibilities and chores that they receive at home. S/he understands that his/her contributions are important to the running of the home. Not only does s/he feel that his/her contributions make a difference, but his/her self-esteem is nurtured by understanding that s/he is needed for the necessary running of the home. How powerful this is for a child!

Often parents are reluctant to ask their children to help with chores because they feel that it will burden them. This could not be further from the truth! Of course, the chores and responsibilities have to be age appropriate and not extreme, but helping with responsibilities builds character and a positive self-image.

Quality Family Time

The family time that you create gives your child a sense of belonging and security that no physical gift can. Whether it is family time spent together at home or on a small trip, your kids thrive knowing that they are important members of the family unit.

The time that you spend together now will protect your kids later. Studies show that teens that grew up having breakfast and dinner together with their families did better academically. They were also less likely to get involved in risky behaviors as they got older. If your family cannot eat together during the week, make sure to create quality family time on the weekend and eat a meal together.

Respect for Authority

Respect for a person with more experience and wisdom should be second nature to a child. Unfortunately today, we have to make sure that our children understand proper codes of behavior so that those in authority do not take advantage of them. However, in general, they should appreciate and respect those who are older than themselves. They should speak and act towards an older person with respect because that person has more understanding, experience, and wisdom.

Children learn to respect themselves by respecting authority. They understand that there is a natural hierarchy and that as they age they will also be respected for the experiences and wisdom that they themselves acquire. This gives children an inherent sense of self-respect. They have worth as they go through life, because of the experiences and wisdom that they acquire.

Teaching Values

Parents have the unique job of teaching values to their kids. But many parents forget this essential aspect of parenting. Values of honesty, integrity, doing the right thing will strengthen children in their resolve and model the values that their parents have taught them.

Children whose parents have not taken the time to think about their values and don’t teach their children any religious principles will be leaving their children like empty vessels for someone else to fill. There are many confusing philosophies in the world. When parents don’t consistently teach values to their children, they leave them open to the wind.

Parents who spend time figuring out what is important and teach their children values, give them a timeless gift. They produce strong, secure children who know what they believe and have the strength to resist the prevailing culture that often goes against these values.

Teaching values is like an immunization against the break down of a society and will stand your child in good stead when he comes up against challenges that he must take a stand against. Take the time to formulate your values and make sure to teach them consistently.

So these are some of the timeless principles that will guarantee your success as a parent, They are not always easy to implement but apply them consistently and you will see the fruits of your labor. Not only that, but you will become a secure parent, knowing that you are giving your children a solid foundation for life.

Try one or two of these principles at first and once you feel secure in those you can add others. Please email me at leah@everykidinsights.com and let me know if you get stuck on any of these principles.

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