Had Enough Shouting? Here's How to Take Control and Enjoy Your Kids

No Mom wants to be a shouting lunatic, frustrated and angry at the kids that she loves. We want to create a warm, loving, harmonious home. How do we overcome our emotions when we are tired and frustrated and our kids are not cooperating?

Well here are some sure-fire tips to get you back on track. When we feel lost we can’t see the forest for the trees, but maintaining calm isn’t all that hard.

Know that you are in this for the long haul. We are parenting our kids for upwards of twenty years, (and sometimes longer). It pays to put some good time into making it right.

And parenting is so all-consuming. There is rarely a break. And that is all the more reason to put effort into getting it right.

So here goes:

Track the times in your day when you are upset and shouting at your kids. Is it mornings trying to get out of the house, or is it dinner time (or both). When is your patience tested to the limit and what else is happening at that time?

Keep a journal for a few days until you see a pattern emerging. You will most probably see that one event leads to another and that is what sets you shouting. It could be a squabble that turns into a fight; a breakdown over homework; or too many spills that day.

You Can Take Control

There are many things that you can do to take control and avoid negative outcomes and shouting. We don’t want to micro-manage our kids but there are some structures that we can put in place to ease tension.

Let’s take the three examples that we mentioned above and see how small adjustments can lead to big wins.

Let’s say that when your kids are playing together, it doesn’t take long before the playing turns into a fight. Well, this is not unusual, but it certainly can turn a peaceful afternoon into a tense time when the shouting begins.

So what can you do? We can set boundaries that look like this. If someone is playing with a toy (no matter how bad the other sibling wants it) – they are not allowed to take it away by force. They can certainly ask for a turn, but if the child refuses, he/she cannot take it. Of course, if the child is keeping the toy to him/herself for an unreasonable amount of time (let’s say more than a half hour) then you as a parent can intervene and figure out a way to let the other child have a turn.

You may have to supervise the interactions in the beginning (especially if there has been a lot of previous fighting – but this is time well spent. Eventually, your children will understand the ground rules and will implement them themselves.

If the children forget or a fight ensues, then perhaps they all need to go to separate rooms until they are ready to follow the rules again. You can do this in a friendly way, as you calmly explain your expectations without shouting.

Spend time talking to your kids about the importance of a family living in harmony and that family members support each other. Learning to compromise will keep them close as they grow up and beyond. These are the times to instill important values and let your kids know your wishes.

By explaining and not shouting we can use these opportunities to teach values, rather than pushing away our children with shouting.

2) Let’s say your child breaks down over homework. This happens for a number of reasons, so it’s important to really look at what’s happening. Some parents (or children) want their kids to finish homework as soon as they come home from school.

This is fine, but some kids have been in school for more than six or seven hours and they need a break when they come home. Some kids need to eat something substantial when they get home.

Kids get little time to socialize in school and may not have time to socialize and eat. Some kids may not be eating much of their lunch. When they come home, it will be very hard to sit down and concentrate on homework before they have eaten. Doing so may lead to a breakdown and a shouting match.

Sometimes it’s not food, but rather getting out some pent-up energy. When kids come home after sitting for much of their day, they might just need some free time to run around outside or play before they start work again.

Sometimes, teachers are not aware of how long certain assignments take for your particular child. If your child is spending more than an hour on homework, or an hour and a half in middle school, it’s too much. Perhaps you can speak to your child’s teacher to modify the amount of homework.

If your child is so tired that he/she can’t do homework, then perhaps bedtime needs to start earlier.

By looking at the possible cause of a problem and making adjustments, you are sure to find solutions that help to alleviate the problem.

3) Do you feel frustrated by the spills or red jam fingerprints on your white sofa? (You didn’t really buy that white sofa, did you?)

Let’s look at the way your kids eat. Do you allow them to snack in the living room? Do you allow them to eat cereal while watching television?

Are your children bringing drinks into public areas of the house?

If you have allowed your kids to eat throughout the house, it will take some supervision and determination to change the pattern. However, you can insist that kids only eat in the kitchen, sitting down at the table.

If you allow kids to take out messy painting materials, or other crafts that lead to messes, perhaps you need to establish some ground rules. When, where and how do you allow them to play with these materials?

By making crystal clear guidelines about when and where it is permissible to eat or do crafts, you will save yourself endless spills and messes and you will save your sanity as well.

Because you set guidelines, your kids know what is expected, your house will be calmer, and there will be much less shouting. You will start to enjoy your kids.

Although I have brought only three examples, as you track your day, you may find completely different areas that are causing you tension. The same idea can be applied to any difficulty that you find.

Figure out when and what is causing you difficulty
Put systems in place to take control of what’s not working
Supervise and don’t give up until the new systems are second nature to everyone involved

Enjoy Your Kids

Now that you have systems in place to control the things that cause you stress and lead to shouting, you can begin to enjoy your kids. Make a point to spend some fun time with them each day. If the week is too busy, make it happen on the weekends.

Get out of the house with them, find ways to have fun and leave your shouting days behind.

Raising kids can be challenging, and demand much of our time. Take the time to put systems in place so that your days will run smoothly and not lead to shouting. You will enjoy your kids, teach them important values and create a warm and loving home.

If you have gained from this article please like and share with your friends.