Have you ever tried to connect or even get the attention of someone who is deeply engrossed in their phone? Have you given up and become frustrated because they don’t seem to hear you or even realize that you are trying to get their attention?

Imagine a child trying to get their parents attention every day while their parents are busy on their phones? Imagine the frustration when this happens day in and day out.

WHAT IS YOUR KID CONNECTION? TAKE MY QUIZ TO FIND OUT

Parents are Childrens’ Main Source of Sustenance

You, the parent, are the main source of emotional sustenance for your children. Your input, your character and your love for your children are the sources that allow your child to grow into a stable, functioning and decent human being. There are many things that we must attend to each day and we can’t give our attention to our children. We need to work, prepare meals, keep a household running and tend to the many responsibilities we have as adults.

Today we use our phones to accomplish many tasks and that is a good thing. However, our phones can also be a major distraction. It’s hard to distinguish or even recognize that we have crossed the line from taking care of a task to reading some unnecessary information.

We all need breaks and relaxation during our busy days and especially from the constant demands of our children. But imagine how frustrated our precious children are when they need our attention and we are totally immersed in cyberspace.

Of course, as mothers, we are very good at multitasking. We can navigate holding babies, cooking dinner, texting our friends, and answering our kids. Sometimes that is the reality. And our kids need to be able to wait for our full attention.

Some Parents Are Never Fully Available

The sad reality today is that many kids learn that their parents are never fully available. Increasingly younger children try to find satisfaction by copying their parents and immersing themselves in iPads and other screens. I am often amazed when whole families sit together, each on their own device, connecting with everyone other than the members of their own families.

How will these children fare never having the full attention of their parents at times when they most needed it? A child suffers emotionally when his tender needs remain unfulfilled.

Imagine how your child would feel knowing that you are completely one hundred percent available to listen to him/her, to look into his/her eyes and fully connect with him/her when s/he needs you. Imagine the confidence and support s/he would feel knowing that his/her parents are there for him/her.

Even if you never received this gift from your parents- you can give it to your children. It may not be easy, but with practice, you can develop this skill.

(click below for a checklist of powerful and meaningful ways to connect with your child)

We are not perfect.  We have many responsibilities and our lives are most probably more fragmented than those living in other times. It is no wonder that we rely so heavily on our phones and are constantly in a multitasking mode. However, we must remember that our children look to and learn from us and need us on a constant basis.

So how do we actually get back to giving full attention to our children?

It is not an easy task nor one that we have to be perfect at. However, it is definitely a goal that we should keep in mind.

Plan Your Day So that You Can be Available

When my children were small I tried not to make phone calls when they were home from school.  Of course, this was not a hard-and-fast rule but something that we tried to stick to. During our family dinner, the kids knew that the phone would be unplugged. On the rare occasion that we would forget to unplug the phone, we would not answer it if it rang. With voicemail, a phone call can wait the half an hour until dinner is finished.

I tried to make sure that I was reasonably available to my children when they were home from school. Of course, it was often a challenge. Because my kids came home fairly early from school each day, I also tried a few times a week, weather permitting, to arrange a trip to the park or some kind of outing.

Sometimes, moms arrive home from work together with their kids, so afternoon outings are not possible. But it is important to take a few minutes and ask our kids about their day.  Sometimes kids just need to connect for a few minutes to talk about their day. They need to unload their successes and frustrations and then they are ready to go off and do homework or play.

Imagine if you came home from a stressful encounter and you couldn’t wait to tell your husband about what transpired. As you open the door about to unload, your husband grabs the keys and says, “Sorry honey, have to run.”

I’m sure that this has happened to you and it was frustrating.  However, because you have a relationship and you know that this is an exception rather than the norm, you are able to handle it.  However, imagine how you would feel if this encounter happened every day and you never had the full attention of your husband. You never really had the time to connect. A marriage could not last very long under those conditions.

We are the Lifeblood of Our Children

Our children are no different.  As parents, we are the lifeblood of our children. They look to us for guidance and support as they learn to navigate their young lives.  Growing up is hard, and our children do not yet have the tools to interpret stressful events in their lives.  We as parents are buffers and through our love and support, children learn to cope with the challenges and difficulties that they face.

When kids don’t get this support, they are frustrated and disheartened. They may look to their immature peers for the connection that they crave, and this can lead to very negative consequences.

So here are some steps that you can take to truly connect with your child:

Plan out your day so that you are available to be there when your child needs you.  When your child comes home, try to be available for at least several minutes if not longer so that you can sit down and hear about his day.  If you are at work, try to check in by phone. We have a small window of time when our child will actually want to connect with us because as s/he gets older s/he will turn to his/her friends rather than you.

Give your Child a Strong Foundation for the Future

Your interpretation and support now will give him/her (or not) a firm foundation and a way to understand the events that happen to him/her. It will also serve as a framework to guide his/her behavior now and in the future.

Without that framework,  we can never be sure how s/he will interpret the events around him/her in the future.

So it is important to make that time to listen to him/her. It may be connecting while s/he has a snack, or it may mean sitting down with him/her for a few minutes on the couch when s/he (or you) get home.

Keep in mind your child’s needs for the rest of the evening.  If your child is hungry and will be irritable until dinner is ready, try to have a snack ready as soon as s/he comes home.

Have a structured and set time for your kids to do homework or fulfill other responsibilities that they may have.  If your child needs you to help with homework,  try to schedule your time so that you can sit down for at least 10 to 20 minutes to help if necessary.  One of your children may need more help than others and that is okay.

Try to structure your evening so that while one child is taking a shower you can help the other with homework or just spend some quality time together.  Then when the other child is getting ready for bed or is already sleeping, you can spend time with the other child.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of getting caught up in routines, getting distracted by our phones and forget how important we are to our children. Life is busy and there is always something to keep us busy and prevent us from connecting with our children.

It demands thought, planning and conviction to make sure that we make the time to truly connect with our children.  However, we can do it! Take the time to plan for connection, to shut out the things that zap our time and drain our energy. Instead, let’s make an everlasting bond with our children. You will be happy that you did! Our children will grow into strong,  healthy, well-adjusted human beings who have had the time to truly connect with their parents.  And they will have reaped the everlasting benefits because of it.

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WHAT IS YOUR KID CONNECTION? TAKE MY QUIZ TO FIND OUT HERE

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