How to Keep your Child from Misbehaving During the Holidays

Isn’t it always at the wrong times that our children choose to misbehave? When our guests are coming in twenty minutes and the house still looks like a cyclone hit it?

Or when we’re exhausted from a long day and we don’t have one ounce of strength left?

Or just as you’re about to leave the house on the first day of school and your child sits down on the carpet and refuses to budge?

Is your child secretly plotting against you and waiting for just the right moment to attack and misbehave, just when you haven’t got a smidgen of patience left and are ready to explode?

No l don’t think so, although it may often feel that way. Your child is really not that sophisticated or devious, so let’s take a moment to see what’s really going on.

Why do children choose to misbehave at the most inopportune time? Well, it’s really pretty simple and it’s usually due to just a few reasons.

Preparation puts children at ease and they won’t have cause to misbehave

The number one reason that children often misbehave is that they aren’t prepared properly for what may come their way.

Just imagine if you managed to nail a new job and it was just the job you were looking for. The commute was not long. The hours were great and the pay was beyond your expectations.

You arrive early to work your first day and you are filled with anticipation. As you report to your department and are introduced to your colleagues, your supervisor starts showing you your first assignment.

The more your supervisor speaks the more anxious you become. The tasks that he is asking you to do are completely unfamiliar to you.

Although you are highly trained in your field, you have no idea how to tackle the tasks you have been assigned. You suddenly feel sick to your stomach.

There must be some grave mistake because this job has nothing to do with your skill set and you feel like a stranger in a strange land.

Now back to your kids. Many kids experience new situations feeling like a worker in the scenario above.

We forget that kids are inexperienced and often feel some anxiety when placed in new situations.

If you tell your child that you will be having guests coming over for the holidays, he may envision one or two guests at the dinner table
similar to a recent memory when you had your last guest night.

Imagine how he/she feels when 10 or 15 guests arrive at the door with unfamiliar children in tow. Is it any wonder that he may start to misbehave?

Prepare your children for new situations that they have never experienced. It’s important for them to know what is happening and how they should behave.

As parents, you can think ahead and see the world from your child’s point of view. Will you be visiting new places and how do you want
your child to behave in an unfamiliar situation?

Is it a more formal setting that requires your child to sit still and not run around? If so, model for him what you expect.

Is it a place that has a special outdoor area for kids to play? Again, review acceptable behavior with your child.

Let your child ask questions until he feels comfortable with the expectations. Review the expectations with your child several times before the holidays or event.

You will have prepared your child, eased some of his/her anxiety and made him aware of behavioral expectations way ahead of the event.

Now the chances that your child will misbehave are greatly reduced because you have taught him the protocol.

S/he will arrive to “work” (ie. holiday festivities) knowledgeable and at ease.

Reason #2

In addition, our children are very sensitive to our moods. If we are expecting company, about to travel or have many preparations for the holidays, we may feel exhausted or have little patience. Our kids’ radar will pick this up right away.

When we are impatient or upset and irritated our children feel anxious.

Although your mood may have nothing to do with your children and everything to do with overwhelm, children will often misinterpret our state of mind and they may feel as if they caused you distress. This makes them insecure and may make them act out, misbehave or just break down.

Rather than yelling at our kids because they misbehave as a result of our exhaustion, we can recognize that at the moment we are not going to have the patience that we usually have to cope. This can mean that we have several options.

If your kids are old enough, explain to them that you are very tired, have a lot to do, or are not feeling well. We can explain that today, we need our kids to find some quiet entertainment (etc.) while we rest, take a nap, or do what we need to do without interruption. We can enlist their cooperation and ask them to help with chores, preparing dinner or just entertaining their siblings.

If our kids are too small to understand, it may be one of those days that we have to just call in a babysitter to help out or have our kids watch a suitable video, so that we can just get through our obligations.

Being honest with our kids and letting them know what’s really happening will ease their anxiety and understand that they are not the cause of your distress. As long as our kids generally see us as patient and happy to be with them, they will be able to understand and step up to bat when things are not going well

Reason #3

And finally, why is it that our children often choose to shut down at the most difficult times? Sitting on the carpet and refusing to budge just when we are about to leave the house, rushing to catch that plane for your family holiday getaway. Again the answer lies in preparation.

Sometimes we think that our children understand what is going on around them. Isn’t it obvious that we might miss our flight if we don’t get to the airport on time? It certainly is to you, but not necessarily to our sensitive five-year-old.

Again the answer lies in preparation. Review what it will be like to get up in the dark and get ready quickly in order to leave for the airport. Let your kids know there may be some rushing. Act out the scene with your kids or have a practice run a few days before. Explain the details and why certain unusual things are happening. This will help your child be more prepared and ready to tackle a strange and unfamiliar situation.

This will relieve any anxiety your children might feel and will help them feel more in control. You will be able to concentrate on the essentials and focus, rather than deal with anxious and disgruntled children.

When we stop to consider the needs of our children, we will often see that our kids are not misbehaving to hurt us but rather as a reaction to events around them. The more we can identify the triggers that may be setting them off, the more we can take the steps to prepare for and ease their anxiety.

By preparing our children beforehand we can approach the holidays with composure and ease. Not only will we feel prepared but we will have prepared our children so that they too can greet the holidays with comfort and ease and will no longer feel the need to misbehave.

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