How to Benefit your Children with the Gift of Patience

If there is one trait that Mom’s struggle with, it is the trait of patience. I mean, how patient do we feel after we’ve just mopped the floor for the fourth time in a day because of the various mishaps of our children?

We love our children to pieces and are ready to jump through a million hoops to help them, but sometimes they do things that just get under our skin. And maybe patience is the one thing that eludes us in times of tension.

We want our homes to be calm and loving. We want our kids to feel happy and safe at home. But how many of us don’t brace ourselves when our kids come in hungry and cranky after school? Or as we start the bed and bath routine, or when our child breaks down about the homework that he/she is too tired to tackle?

The truth is that patience is not a trait that many people naturally possess and Moms are the most vulnerable. The sheer unpredictability of the things that our kids do at the worst possible moments, is enough to catapult every Mom into a frustrated doldrum.

So what’s a responsible, wanting the best for her children Mom to do?

The Results of Our Actions

Patience is a trait that we acquire. We need to nurture and work on having patience every day. But there are some things that can help.

Jewish traditional wisdom tells us “Who is the wise person, the one that can foresee that results of his actions” (Tamid 32a)

That really says it all:

Over the years we strive to be more patient. We look for strategies and routines that help us develop more patience and bring more calm and order to our lives. By constantly looking for ways to simplify, organize and structure our time, when our kids’ behavior makes us feel frazzled and upset, we can pave the path to patience.

If we are able to foresee what will happen beforehand and put structures in place to help us, we can avoid falling into the frustration pit. Once our situation begins to escalate, it is difficult to reclaim the calm and we have entered on the path of no return.

So how do we do this?

Patience is a Skill that We Develop

The first step is to realize that patience is a skill that we have to develop and it doesn’t come automatically. Haven’t we heard the expression “she has the patience of a Saint?” We learn from this that having patience can be the exception rather than the rule. Patience requires mental discipline and a strong resolve not to let our feelings control us.

This is not easy and it takes time to develop. This is, even more, the case if we didn’t see patience modeled in our own homes. But all is not lost! By foreseeing the results of our impatience (never very good), and realizing that we are the adults and want to model patience for our children, we can conquer all! We can start to catch ourselves before we lose it and slowly build our patience muscle. It happens slowly, but one day we realize that we are controlling ourselves more than in the past.

This is already a great accomplishment, but there are many more things that we can do to help things along. Here are examples that will help tremendously.

Identifying the Times When Our Patience is Challenged

Our kids try our patience when we are tired, hungry or in the middle of trying to get things done. It comes as no surprise that these times will also be challenging for our kids.

Knowing that these are the times that our patience is challenged, we can create strategies and systems to ease the stress during these difficult times.

We can make sure that we eat before our kids come home. Although we can’t always control the amount of sleep that we get, we can discipline ourselves and get into bed on time. We can also make sure that we and our kids are well fed at crucial times.

The first thing to do is to identify the times in our day that are most stressful. Here are some examples of times that may be difficult:

Getting out of the house on time in the mornings
Kids making the transition from school to coming home
Before dinner when kids are cranky and hungry
The bedtime routine
Afternoons when kids are home on the weekends

Getting Out of the House in the Mornings

Getting the kids ready and out of the house on time in the morning can be a real challenge. This can try the patience of even the most composed Mom. The key is planning.

Let’s take this as an example and see how to break tasks down. This will help to avoid unnecessary pressure and stress in the morning. There are several pieces to a successful launch:

Clothes clean and ready
Breakfast prepared on time
Lunches made
Backpacks prepared and waiting to be picked up by the door.

Wow! It’s overwhelming just thinking about it. Let’s break the steps down so that we can tackle one task at a time. So let’s say that it is hard for our kids to get dressed and find their clothes in the morning. If this is a step that is getting you down, here are some things to consider. Part of your evening routine might be choosing clothes for the next morning and laying them out so it doesn’t take any time in the morning.

This can avoid time zapping arguments in the morning because your child has already made his/her choice. Make it clear that once he/she has chosen something at night, there is no changing in the morning. If you see that socks or underwear is missing, you can throw in a load right away and replace the missing articles of clothing.

Now on to breakfast. If breakfast is a rush, you can start preparing the night before. You can prepare oatmeal or some other grain cereal overnight in an oatmeal slow cooker. I have found this to be an easy, nutritious oatmeal recipe that you can find here.

You can also make scrambled eggs in a multi-cooker crockpot by preparing the eggs in the evening and setting them to cook on a timer. Here is a recipe for overnight scrambled eggs.

In this way, you won’t have to worry about cooking breakfast when your kids need you in the morning.

Kids can choose their snacks for the next day at dinner time and you can make lunches the night before. If hubby is available in the morning, he can help ease the stress by chipping in to make sandwiches. Older kids can prepare their own lunches.

Prep for School

As an educator, I see so many kids arrive at school without the homework and books that they need for the day. As kids rush to get out of the house in the morning, they can easily forget what they need. This can certainly cause our patience to drain.

Make a set time for homework after your kids have had a snack and perhaps some time to unwind and play. Check to make sure that your kids have put their homework and everything else they will need in their backpacks, closed them up and set them by the door. Then in the morning, kids can pick them up as they leave the house.

If your kids are dawdling in the morning, set a timer to keep them aware of the time. If they get stuck playing with a certain toy or on a screen, remove them until the afternoon so that kids are not tempted.

It is a lot to think about and organize, but by breaking the tasks down as we did above, you will be able to prepare beforehand. This eliminates a lot of unnecessary tension and helps us to maintain a positive and patient attitude. Your house will be calm and your kids benefit from a nurturing and unpressured environment.

Do the same planning with every challenging area in your day. The more you plan out the challenging times, the easier they will be to navigate. Start with one difficult area and once you have mastered that one, move on to the next

We can always improve our systems and tweak anything that isn’t working.

The point here is that although patience is something that we need to develop over time, there are many things that we can do to ease stressful situations with our kids. When we put systems in place we can avoid the very things that unravel us and model patience for our children. Children are still unpredictable and mishaps are bound to happen. However, your forethought and planning will ease unnecessary stress and help you create the calm, nurturing environment that you desire.

Wishing you much patience and happiness as you create your stress-free home!