Parents Have the Most Powerful Influence on their Children

Don’t underestimate the powerful influence that parents have on their children. And your influence is tenfold when you take the time to plan out strategies to meet your parenting goals.

Many parents feel helpless because of influences that come into our homes and the powerful influence of the world at large. Violence and foul language are idealized on the shows our kids watch. The importance of true values and integrity are often not emphasized at all.

So as parents are we helpless in the face of all the negativity? Absolutely not! Your child learns from everything that he sees and everything going on around him. There are many things influencing our children that we may not sanction. However, the strongest determinant for who a child will become is the powerful influence of the home. The way a child’s parents act, the way that they speak to each other and their children, have the strongest impact. The degree to which they act according to their values and the general atmosphere in the home will determine who their children will become.

This is good news and bad news. Why? Because we can have such a powerful influence. On the other hand, without forethought and planning, we can open our home and families to some very negative factors.

We live in a time when the most negative influences in the world have free access into our homes. Think about that. At one time a person would have to go to great lengths or travel to find negative influences. Today they are available to anyone at the click of a button.

That is not to say that children never ran into negative influences at school or in their neighborhoods, but rather that everything is much more readily available today. Because this is such a recent phenomenon, many parents struggle with how to counteract this powerful influence.

Here are some ideas that can help parents have a positive powerful influence in their children’s lives.

Make a Plan about What You Want for Your Children

This is a vital step that parents often overlook. As with anything in life, our goals determine the outcomes.

When children are young, they require a tremendous amount of physical care. This care is so all-encompassing that we can forget that we can easily let this care remain at the forefront.

It is so important to think about and make efforts towards who we want our children to become. This goes way beyond teaching our children manners. We need to stress, talk about and model our values. To emphasize the importance of education and how to be a contributing member of society.

We need to define true success for our families and guide the way our children will communicate with and think about others. To teach the basics such as cleanliness, diligence and being orderly.

Of course, children learn largely from example but today there are so many powerful influences affecting our child’s life that we have to make sure that our voices as parents are heard above all others.

All of this requires research and thought and how we will actually plan to realize our goals.

Create an Action Plan

Once you have set your goals, now is the time to make an action plan.

So for example, your ultimate goal may be to make your home a peaceful and calm home that gives support and security to all of its members. You may feel that your kids are influenced by their friends to speak in a way that is not respectful and you want to model a respectful relationship.

So let’s say that you decide that you want to start teaching this important value by improving the way you and your spouse speak to your children. This can be a powerful influence in your child’s life because s/he will see that you as parents are making an effort to change the way that you speak.

So let’s say that you decide that in order to make a plan, you have to do the following:

It might mean that you need to make time with your spouse to get him on board to work on this together
Once he is on board you may need to set up regular meetings to review what’s working and what’s not.

It may include getting some education on ways to change old speech patterns and put new ones in place. It may mean buying some books to review together or speaking to an experienced professional. To book a free consultation with me click here:

Once you know what you want to do, create a plan to implement the ideas that you have come up with.
Review your plan from time to time to revise it and make it better.

Implementing your Action Plan

When working on a plan, it is better to start small than to bite off more than you can chew. As in organizing an entire house, it would be overwhelming to try to organize the whole house at once. You would be better off to organize one room at a time before going on to organize the next one.

The same applies to areas that you want to improve for your child. As you come close to your goal, you can move onto the next one. With a little thought and effort, you can make an everlasting change in your children.

Consider the times in your day that cause distress and negatively impact the members of your family.

So, for example, you might want to think about the times that are the most pressured times in your schedule. It may be during these times that you are yelling, threatening and getting angry with your child. You may find as you review your day, that the most stressful time is bedtime.

Perhaps your kids are jumping out of bed the minute that you put them to bed, asking for drinks, going to the bathroom etc. The prolonged bedtime makes you anxious and snappy. You end up yelling and feeling bad about the last interactions that you have with your kids each day.

So here is where planning comes in. Now you have identified the stress point. You and your spouse can sit down and determine how you would like to see bedtime in your home. Are things so hectic that you are not spending time with your children before it’s time for bed? Can you carve out 10-15 minutes after dinner to read a story or talk about your child’s day?

And now for bedtime itself. Is there a way to streamline the process? Can you have a toy clean-up before dinner and a no device rule after baths? Can part of the bedtime routine be creating expectations so that kids put all their dirty clothes in the hamper and together you pick out clothes for the next morning?

Come up with a list of reasonable expectations that you want your child to follow. If your child keeps coming out of bed, explain that from now on, there will be no getting out of bed after you have tucked your child in and turned out the lights.

This might mean that you need to practice the routine perhaps on a Sunday afternoon so that you can speak to your kids when you are all at home and not at all tired. You can have some fun having the kids get in bed in the afternoon to practice the nightly routine. Tell your kids that you will be reminding them before they go to bed to get drinks, go to the bathroom, do whatever they need to finish for the day. Once you turn out the lights, they may not come out of bed.

Your kids will definitely test you to see if you really mean what you say, especially if they have not been following a routine for a long time. However, you must be firm and the minute they come out of bed or ask for something (as long as it’s not an emergency), you restate the rule. If they get out of bed, calmly state the rule. “No getting out of bed once lights are out” as you lead them back to bed. If a child keeps coming out, you keep leading them back without engaging in any conversation except calmly stating the rule. If a child is not listening, carry them back to bed and stay in the room without engaging with them until they get the message.

It may take a few nights, but once your kids see that you are serious they will get used to the routine. During the day you can discuss the goal with your child. “It’s important to go to sleep on time so that you can wake up refreshed and be ready for the next day” You can also let the kids know that you want bedtime to be calm and peaceful and that you don’t want to be upset with them at the end of the day.

This is teaching your child so many lessons as well as important values. They will understand that you took the time to plan and correct an important aspect of their home life. They will see that their parents care for their well being and that they have to take their parents words seriously. You have taught them that they have to abide by your expectations that are ultimately for their benefit. They will also see that meeting your expectations will create calm in the home and help them feel secure. They will feel the powerful influence of their home!

Continuing to Reevaluate Your Powerful Influence

As you move towards the realization of your bedtime goal, you may have other areas that fall under the “speaking to your kids” category. When your kids see that you have changed your speech, you have modeled that speech is important. Your next goal might be to work on the words that your child uses when s/he is angry or how s/he speaks to his/her siblings.

When you have finished working on speech you may work on another goal and then another. As your children grow and the dynamics change, new issues will arise. As long as you are actively working towards your overarching goals you will be moving in the right direction. Together with your spouse (or a professional when necessary), you will continue to exert a powerful influence on your children. Wishing you luck as you move closer and closer towards your goals!

To get personalized help to change your family situation, book a free consultation with me here.

If you have enjoyed this post, please comment, like and share with your friends