The Most Important Rule You Need to Make in Your Home

There is only one rule you need to make in your home. Only one. However, it is not an easy one to implement. It demands quite a bit of restraint and character building. And it means that parents commit to it 100 percent. However, if you do commit you will see the fruits of your labor.

What is the rule? I bet you’re really curious by now. That rule is… drum roll…respect. Having respect for others and for their possessions. Respect for the dignity, feelings, and needs of the people that you live with and in general those around you.

Respect is Apparent in a Home

In a family, there are many interactions going on each day and really every moment that family members are together. When you walk into a home you can usually detect when family members follow this rule. You can sense how a husband and wife speak to each other, you can see how the children play together or how older children relate to each other.

There may be rules in place in a home and the house may be orderly, but if there is a lack of respect, no other rule can make up for the lack thereof. When the inherent dignity of some or all of the members of the home is not upheld, it is almost immediately apparent.

Work With Your Spouse to bring Respect into the Home

So how do we make sure that the respect of family members is paramount in a home? First of all the parents must commit to this rule. And it is not easy. They must work to always speak to each other respectfully, even when one of the members is late or forgot to do something really important. Even when you had a hard day or you are exhausted.

And that is not always easy. It’s something that requires effort and commitment and gratitude for the blessings of a marriage and a home.

However, when children grow up in a home and they see basic respect upheld between their parents the majority of the time (everyone slips once in a while!), then it is much easier to make sure that the children will be respectful as well. Following the one rule of respect will pay off big time in many aspects of the family.

What is Respect?

What is respect really? Respect means that we acknowledge that another member of our family has the same needs and right to exist as I do and I have to respect that right. If I would like to be spoken to respectfully then I must speak to you respectfully. If I would like to find the bathroom clean and ready to use, then I need to leave it that way for the next person.

The idea is a simple one, but not always easy to implement. We are busy, forgetful and it is not always easy to think about the needs of others and that is why this rule should be paramount in our homes. It is how our children learn to be thoughtful of others and unselfish in the world around them.

When a child sees respect between his/her parents, s/he learns to respect others. This will filter down into all aspects of family living.

When there is respect between parents and between siblings, that respect is seen in almost every aspect of the home.

What does respect look like?

Respect means that children recognize, respect and admire their parents.

It means that they do not interrupt their parents or their siblings

Family members don’t say hurtful things

It means that others rights are just as important as yours

We respect our home and everyone cleans up after themselves

It means that we respect what others do for us and make that job easier for them in any way that we can.

We think about how others are feeling and we call to let them know if our plans have changed so that they can make the necessary adjustments

So from the above, it is clear that having all family members following this one rule extends to many aspects of the home. It means that by considering the needs and feelings of others, we avoid a lot of frustration, pain, and ill feelings.

Don’t get me wrong, This requires a lot of forethought and planning. It is not easy to make sure that everyone follows this one cardinal rule. But with persistence and determination, it is more than possible.

We Can Teach Respect, Respectfully

And don’t forget to implement this rule in a respectful way. You can’t teach your kids to speak respectfully by yelling at them. However, when you speak respectfully (albeit firmly) to your kids, they learn to speak respectfully to their parents and their siblings.

When each of the above points is taught and reinforced and implemented consistently, they become second nature. However, all of the above is based on the one foundational principle of respect.

So what do you do if you feel that your home could use improvement in the foundational principle of respect? …If the members of your family are not abiding by this important rule?

If You Don’t Have Support, Start with Yourself

The first place to start is with yourself. It is sometimes difficult to change other people especially when they may not feel that there is a reason to change. Decide how you will begin to speak more respectfully to your spouse. He will notice the difference and so will your children. It might take some time but eventually, you will start to notice changes.

Again this takes willpower. You may have to ignore some negative comments and confusion. You are rocking the boat but your determined stance to change the atmosphere in your home will pay off.

If you feel that your spouse does want to change then start a conversation. Rather than pointing a finger, let him know that you are very bothered by the atmosphere in your home and ask if he would be willing to work with you to make it better. Very often those closest to us do want to change, but just don’t know how.

If your spouse is agreeable, try to identify the times or circumstances that the disrespect is most prevalent. If your spouse tends to get angry and disrespectful when he is hungry or a meal is late, see if you can make some changes to avoid this.

Make the Rule and Set Clear Guidelines

If your children tend to squabble over which show to watch or are constantly fighting, you as parents need to set some clear and firm guidelines. If your spouse doesn’t call when he changes plans, let him know how much this throws you off.

By discussing the areas that are causing tension and disrespect in the home, each party can make the necessary adjustments to ease these tensions. These changes must be made with patience. Habits are not easy to break and pleasant reminders can help others remember that this is important to you.

However, with patience and commitment, small changes can lead to big results.

With children, consistency and firmness can also lead to positive change. If children persist in fighting or not cooperating, consequences need to be implemented. If they cannot decide peacefully about a show or a game, then you might need to explain what you want to see. It may take several interventions and you modeling how to resolve the problem. If you have done your part and the kids cannot resolve their differences you may need to temporarily take the game away or nix the TV.

But remember, it is important to implement changes respectfully. Explain to your children that how we treat each other is an important value in your home and respect is the golden rule. Implement the consequence with respect and explanations and you will see that your children will begin to treat each other more respectfully.

You can change the atmosphere in your home. You can implement the above principles and see real results. With patience and commitment, you can create a respectful environment in your home. Your family will benefit from this one all-important rule. Implement respect and you will be glad that you did!

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