The Special Ingredient You Need To Be A Happy Parent

What is the special ingredient that leads to happiness in your life and as a parent? Throughout my parenting journey, l have met, spoken, and shared with many mothers, and noticed how they interpret their lives.

Why are Some Mothers Happy and Satisfied?

Some mothers (and fathers) feel happy and satisfied with their lives and some (although they have everything they need and more) … feel miserable.

Some mothers live with difficult circumstances and yet are completely content and satisfied with their lot. Other mothers, constantly complain, blame others for their unhappiness, are bitter and dissatisfied, and negatively affect those around them.

Many of these women share similar backgrounds, come from similar but varied financial brackets and similar ways of lives.

What could possibly be the ingredient that satisfies those that are happy and content? Looking at their lives, we don’t see anything unique. In fact, some of these women seemingly have less than their unhappy counterparts (although not necessarily).

They don’t seem to have unusual spouses or unusual homes. Examining their lives, it seems that they have the same challenges as most, and some even more.

The Special Ingredient

What is the special ingredient that separates those that feel happy and content from those that feel bitter and dissatisfied?

The special ingredient that shines on these ordinary women is truly simple. It is … a constant and ever-present feeling of gratitude.

l can already hear you saying, “Come on how can this make such a difference? l also have gratitude for many things.”

Gratitude: A Way of Life

Being grateful means more than a feeling of gratitude for specific gifts that we have in our lives. Gratitude is a way of life. It is feeling that our very existence in this world is a gift and that we are privileged to live and appreciate every minute.

It is the feeling that no matter how difficult or hard our challenges are, it is a privilege to be here to face them.

And it is also the understanding that life’s challenges sculpt and carve us to become more sensitive and compassionate people. It is the recognition that without these challenges we may become unresponsive to the need of others. By rising to and working to overcome the challenges that we face, we grow and become better people.

The Paradigm Shift

It is really a paradigm shift. In Western culture, we grow up to believe that we are entitled to the good things in life. As some of the most financially secure people in the world, we come to expect certain things.

But looking closer, a feeling of entitlement does not make us happier. It only disappointments us when things do not go the way that we have planned or believe that they should be.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t strive to be financially secure. It means rather, to realize that we do not have to be dependent on external things to feel gratitude. We realize that the gift of life itself is more than enough to feel gratitude.

Our Circumstances Do Not Have to Define Us

But when things go wrong or don’t go as planned, how do we actually feel gratitude? When we are exhausted, our kids are sick and the washing machine breaks, how do we rise above these challenges?

This is where the world-view of gratitude kicks in. It is the view that although there are always difficult circumstances and challenges, I am grateful to be able to be on this earth and grateful to face this challenge.

Putting Our Challenges Into Perspective

One of the most powerful ways to face challenges is to think of a friend or acquaintance who has a much bigger challenge to face than we have, each and every day. When we put our challenges into perspective or recognize that the difficulty is only temporary, then we can face difficulties more thoughtfully and with less emotion.

We can say to ourselves, yes this is difficult, this may even be extremely distressing, but it will pass and we will see the light at the end of the tunnel. We do not define our happiness according to the difficulties that we face, but we find creative ways to overcome the challenges. It is up to us how we view our difficulties.

Feeling gratitude also means focusing on the positive things in our lives rather than dwelling on the negative. This takes practice and is, of course, a lifelong discipline. But it means that we try to focus on and see the good that we have and experience in our lives. It means focusing on what we do have, rather than what we don’t.

Focus on the Positive Aspects of Your Relationships

This goes for relationships as well as circumstance. Are you unhappy about some aspects or traits that you see in your spouse? (Let’s be crystal clear… this never means overlooking abuse!) However, we try to focus on the wonderful things that he/she does do for us every single day, rather than focusing on a negative trait the he/she may have.

Remember that we are all human and we may also have traits that drive our spouses bananas. The ability to overlook negative traits and focus on the positive in our spouses and children are what make every relationship work and help two people to grow in the process.

Learn From Others

Is your friend able to keep her cool when her children are fighting? Don’t be jealous of her unique G-d given personality traits. Learn from her, ask her advice and then work to implement the insight that you have gained, the next time your children are fighting.

Are you friend’s children better at sports than your children? Has your friend’s child nailed the lead role in the school play? Will another serve as the school valedictorian? Every child and every person has their own gifts and talents. Nurture your children, be patient, and you will see your children’s unique talents blossom, in time.

Comparing Leads to Misery

Comparing ourselves to others or our children to other children only leads to a path of misery and pain. Learning from others is more productive than comparing ourselves to others.

There is so much to learn in life, so much to gain from sharing with others. But sharing is a far cry from comparing. When we compare ourselves to others, we feel miserable and experience feelings of failure.

Every person has a unique mission to accomplish in the world. If you were meant to be like someone else, there is no need for the other person in the world. Keeping in mind the blessing of your own unique talents will help you to feel gratitude.

It does help to have someone to speak to about these challenges. Having support when we face difficulties and disappointment can also help to put things into perspective and work through negative feelings. If your spouse is able to do this, then great, but a trusted friend can also be helpful in learning to focus on the positive.

By focusing on what you have and working to improve these gifts and talents, you will feel gratitude for everything in your life. This leads to happiness and satisfaction, rather than bitterness and sorrow.

When challenges do come, you will be able to focus with gratitude on the things that you do have, and you will face those challenges with fortitude and perseverance. You will grow stronger and more resolute and continue to nurture the special ingredient that will bring you happiness and satisfaction for all the good that you clearly appreciate in your life.

You owe it to yourself and your children and the positivity that you bring to your home when you experience true gratitude and happiness!

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