You Can Teach Your Children to be Compassionate!

Are you disheartened when your child is not as compassionate as you want him/her to be? Do you want to understand how a child develops compassion?

Because let’s face it, we all want to raise nice kids!

Many parents believe (and rightly so) that a child treated compassionately will develop compassion for others. This is true, but there is much more to complete the story.

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It is Easy to Turn a Blind Eye to Suffering

I read an article the other day about a woman whose son was a victim in the Parkland school shooting. He taught in the school in Parkland and his parents lived in New York.

As soon as the parents heard that their son was one of the victims, they frantically tried to book a plane to Florida. That weekend, a huge tournament was scheduled to take place in Florida and all airlines were completely booked.

The parents only thought was to get to their son who was lying somewhere near Parkland in a hospital. They called a charter company who was able to get them on a charter plane 90 minutes later. Very sadly this couple’s son passed away. Two weeks later to their great surprise they received a bill from the airline company for 36,000 dollars.

The shocked parents called the airline because the airline originally told them that the flight cost 18,000 dollars. The airline couldn’t find anyone to charter the plane back to New York and charged the parents an additional 18,000. The mother called the airline to complain, but the airline’s best offer was to give a 1000 dollar discount.

At the time of the flight, the distraught mother signed the contract without reading the small print legally binding herself to pay the full amount. She took to Facebook to tell her story.

One could argue both ways as to who was right in this case. However, my point here is to talk about the shocking comments that I saw appear underneath the actual article. Without a trace of compassion for the tragic circumstances, the majority of comments berated and mocked this poor woman for telling her story. One comment even posted the woman’s financial statistics!

The airline owner heard the story, and to his credit, he wrote a letter to the woman expressing his condolences, refunded the $18,000 and donated $18,000 to a non-profit fund created in her son’s memory.

The airline owner had accepted the loss and had acted more than appropriately in view of the circumstances. However, the many people who had responded to the Facebook post and had nothing to gain or lose had acted with a complete lack of compassion!

I personally felt that there was a complete lack of compassionate response. I sincerely hope that none of the people who responded so crassly are ever placed in such a tragic situation. However, I am wondering how we are educating our future society!

We Need to be Compassionate to Others Around Us

How can we expect our children to respond to others in a compassionate way if we do not show compassion to those around us?

For a free list of 9 activities to teach your children compassion:

This past week I also read a letter from a mother who has the resources to be able to create a very busy and interesting lifestyle for her children. They are able to take all kinds of classes and participate in many activities that other children cannot necessarily enjoy.

And yet she sees that her children take these privileges for granted and don’t feel gratitude for everything they have. She is concerned that her children, with all that they have, are not learning a compassionate way of life.

We are privileged to live in an affluent society which is wonderful. However, if we don’t teach our children to be compassionate and recognize the plight of others, we are creating a sad society indeed! Whether a person is less fortunate financially or has experienced a loss, our children must see us responding with compassion.

Our response to others is the only way that we can truly teach our kids to be compassionate. It is not enough to show our kids compassion as we see from the letter above. Parents have a natural compassion for their own children, but that compassion does not necessarily transfer over to our children. Children learn compassion when they see us expressing compassionate feelings towards others (rather than berating them) and identifying with their pain.

Even more so, children learn compassion when they see examples of their parent’s compassionate actions. When they see their parents cook a meal for someone who is sick or even help someone financially who has fallen on hard times.

Children Learn Compassion through Compassionate Actions

It is important for kids to see compassionate behavior daily in their home to truly learn to be compassionate. Talking to our kids about caring for others and having them actually participate in helping others brings home the message.

Parents can tell stories about helping others and find children’s books that emphasize this important value. My new book Every Kid Can Make a Difference is an example of a book that teaches children the value of kids going out of their way to help others. Children learn that through their small acts, they can actually make a difference in the world!

In addition, it is so easy today to look negatively at others and not be concerned with those around us. Our lives move so quickly, and we encounter so many people, that we tend to think only of ourselves. We have to retrain ourselves and our children to live more compassionate lives. To remember to initiate small niceties such as holding a door open for strangers or seeking ways to help others. Small acts make a big difference. Picking up something that someone dropped or allowing someone to go before us in a line under urgent circumstances show compassion.

Small acts add up to big acts and our children notice everything. When parents make sure to teach their children to say a basic please and thank you and other basic manners, they have laid the basic foundation for developing compassion. Parents who are vigilant and look for ways that the entire family can help others will definitely create an environment where their children learn compassion.

If you are concerned about your children and the character traits that they exhibit, use these tips to help them become more compassionate. Create an environment where you are all growing together as a family. You will become more sensitive to the plight of others and your values will become more authentic. You will see your children become more sensitive to others and they will express gratitude for the things that they have. Wishing you all the best as you work to create more compassionate children and ultimately a more compassionate world!

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