Vision is one of our greatest blessings. It is the wonderful gift that allows us to experience the beautiful world that we live in. I have always striven for 20/20 vision even though at certain points in my life I have needed some help with glasses.
However in relationships, 20/20 vision can be a curse rather than a blessing!
We Don’t Need to See Everything
What does that mean, I hear you mumbling. It means that in a relationship we don’t need to see everything, in fact much of the time it’s a good idea to develop some good old myopia!
When a relationship begins, there is a special magic that allows us to see only the good in another person. It is the glue that begins and deepens a relationship.
With time, routine sets in and some of the magic might begin to wear off. “Love is blind,” the saying goes and that’s a good thing! But as time goes on, our vision might get a bit clearer and that’s not such a good thing, because things that we could once overlook start to bother us.
I’m not saying that we should overlook everything; if a spouse is doing something that really upsets you or doesn’t take your feelings into account, then of course it needs to be discussed or worked through.
Turning a Blind Eye
But there are so many little things that might bother us, and if we can just learn to overlook them or really “turn a blind eye,” our relationships will be so much happier.
Let’s remember that we all have faults (even though we think that we’re perfect!) and maybe the things that we are doing are really bothering our partner, but they have chosen to just ignore them and focus on the so many wonderful things about you.
This does not come naturally to everyone. It is the “work” that we sign up for when we enter a relationship. Some couples let so many little things bother them, that they are always playing the “you do this and you did that” game.
Let’s say your spouse leaves the lights on, doesn’t put the phone back on the charger, forgets to tell you that they have a meeting after work, calls you because they left their keys in the car, forgets to pay the electric bill and on and on and on, but… there is a solution
Don’t Take Small Things Personally
There is always a reason to be upset over something. Many couples tally up the wrongdoings of their spouses until one day they boil over and let their anger pour out like fiery lava erupting from a volcano. The other spouse is shocked and doesn’t understand the gravity of the small oversight that caused the giant outburst.
We’ve spoken before about the importance of really talking things out when there is a major difference in backgrounds and how this difference needs to be worked out with compromise here, but in this case we’re talking about the small annoyances that happen when a spouse is forgetful or does something that he/she didn’t even realize upset you.
When we experience these small upsets, this is a perfect opportunity to show our real love for the other person.
Positive Self Talk
Imagine the difference if you think to yourself the following; “Oh I know so and so didn’t mean to upset me, he/she is just tired/overwhelmed/hungry etc. and needs a kind word from me.
Imagine what this kind of thinking can do for a relationship? How would the relationship grow if you just turned a blind eye and turned off the light; put the phone on the charger; met your partner with the keys and said, “This must have been so upsetting for you” etc.
What you are really showing with these small acts of kindness and “turning a blind eye” to the faults in your spouse; is your unwavering commitment to him/ her and that your commitment goes way beyond the daily mistakes or forgetfulness of the person you love.
You are showing that you love your spouse/partner and nothing (especially those petty little things) will destroy the love between you. In fact it is the small mistakes that give each of you the opportunity to overlook them, show how much you love each other, and start each day anew.